Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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