Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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