I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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