I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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