drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
