I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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