gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
