IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
