please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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