Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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