Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
