yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
