***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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