I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
