Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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