oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
