A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
