Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
