You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
