??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
