Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
