Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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