My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
