fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
