you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
