After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
