That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
