When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
