So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
