im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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