"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
