im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
