just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
