He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
