Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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