this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
