Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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