I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
