Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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