Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize