I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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