She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
