i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
