i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
