It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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