Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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