You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
