Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
