I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
