I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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