so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
