his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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