90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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