I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
