Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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