I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
