home. puking in laundry basket.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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