dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize