I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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