M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
