i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
