bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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