god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
