My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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