We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
