I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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