Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
