I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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