That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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