I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize