did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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