Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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