After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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